Sunday, August 17, 2008

Stupid Gadgetry

     So I was cruising through some new Google Gadgets to try and find some Cool stuff to put around the edges of Big Dave and Company, you know, to keep you coming back.  Now I know Company, you are deep, and you come here for the content, not for the looks.  You like us for us.  But it never hurts to put a little makeup on once in a while, no?  It never hurts to doll yourself up, even if you are already great.  So anyway, I was out searching for the blog version of a push up bra and I started seeing some pretty disconcerting things.  There were some cool games, and some good gadgets, but then there were some really stupid things.  Let's talk about those.
     Someone has created a Fairy Art of the Day gadget.  Why the hell would you do that?  What kind of lame, pansy-ass, Magic loving emo freak are you that you would want a new example of fairy art on your blog every day?  Seriously?  Okay, thanks, I needed that.  I know some people who would love to have a new example of lame fairy art on their blog every day, people who dress in all black and listen to music about slitting wrists that would make most people slit their wrists.  Or at least poke their eardrums out with a spork.  And they are sweet and caring and even fun people.  But I don't get the whole fairy art thing.  I mean, do you think that they are real fairies?  Because they're not.  Do you think that Tinkerbell is going to suddenly appear out of your computer screen and whisk you away to a magical fairy land where you sit on marshmallows and your stepfather can't yell at you anymore and your math homework is never due and you know all the answers anyway?  Because that is not going to happen.  Do you think that by having fairies on your emo blog and fairies on your world history notebook you will be less socially awkward and some boy will like you more?  Because that only works if you are a boy.  Just kidding.  But seriously, take your Fairy Art Picture of the Day and go watch anime reruns and sort your bottles of black mascara.
     Just as I was recovering from the Fairy Art of the Day I saw the Endangered Species of the Day gadget, and that brought me right back into the red.  Okay, seriously, I have some problems with this one too.  First of all, who wants to see all sorts of pictures of animals that are about to be extinct?  That's depressing.  You might as well get a Tombstone of the Day gadget, or maybe a Refugee Camp of the Day picture gadget, because all of those things are more depressing than the lame-o who had the Fairy Art of the Day gadget on their blog.  "But Big Dave, many endangered species are quite beautiful and by having this gadget it helps increase awareness and that can help save them."  Shut up.  Like having a picture of a Guam Micronesian Kingfisher on Anne...Straight From the Hip (learn to capitalize Anne!) is going to help save a single specimen.  Especially since that picture is going to be gone tomorrow and a picture of a Roque Chico de Salmor Giant Lizard will be up in its place.  And you know what?  That one is not going to be helped either.  And seriously, if these species are so endangered, then how come there are so many pictures of them all over the place?  If there are only 400 Mongolian Beavers left floating around out there then how come there are 8500 different pictures that come up when I type that into Google Image Search?  Yeah, most of them aren't actually pictures of Mongolian beavers, but I don't care.  They still come up.  All I have to say is that if these "endangered" species are in so much trouble then why are they so widely photographed?  There are lots of photographs of college co-eds and they certainly aren't endangered.  I rest my case.
     The last gadget that I sort of have a problem with is the Drill Bit Size Chart.  Yeah, you read that correctly.  The Drill Bit Size Chart.  If you had asked me to name 1000 different gadgets that I would expect to find in Google Gadgets, that wouldn't have made the list.  The Catholic Rhythm Method Countdown gadget might have (I really hope that that doesn't exist) but the Drill Bit Size Chart would not have.  I am tempted to put it up for you guys to look at just to prove that it's there and because it's so ridiculous.  Ummm...I don't even know how to describe it.  It's pretty much what it says.  it's a chart of drill bit sizes in both Imperial (inches) and metric (millimeters) and conversions and how they compare.  Wow.  I am not sure who would want that on their blog.  I am sure that there is an industrial blog somewhere (there are a bunch, trust me.  I put the Big Dave and Company research department on it and they found a bunch.  None of which are really worth reading if you aren't in that particular trade unless you are trying to battle insomnia or increase the level of confusion in your life) that would be incomplete without a Drill Bit Size Chart but you know what?  I don't want to be involved with those types of blogs.  Unless they are a Blogger Blog of Note.  Then I will gladly hump their proverbial leg until they get me some recognition.  But the fact that someone took the time to create this gadget, especially if they did it just for fun and not for some specific blog, well that just makes me sad.  Sadder than the emo kid with their Fairy Art of the Day business.
     So, to make a long story short there are a lot of strange and unusual and retarded gadgets out there.  I am going to pick one out for you guys to look at and hopefully enjoy.  Don't worry, it won't be a retarded one.  It will be just about what you expect.  Well, I might be going out on a limb by putting on a little makeup for you, but I am not going to go crazy.  I don't want to look the Fairy Art of the Day emo kid. 


jessica said...

I love the gadgetry you chose! I could play all day! Thanks Big Dave

Big Dave said...

Thank you Jessica! I am glad that I hit the mark.