Monday, July 28, 2008

What Would You Do for A Klondike Bar?

     The animated television series Family Guy had an episode that included a spoof Klondike bar commercial.  The announcer asks "What would you do for a Klondike bar?  Would you hop on one foot?"  So the guy hops on one foot.  "Would you scream like a monkey?"  So the guy screams and acts like a monkey. "Would you kill a man?"  All you hear after that is the sound of a gunshot.  It's pretty funny.  It's a great spoof of the Klondike bar commercials.  And they should be made fun of.  Because, honestly, there aren't that many things that I would do for a Klondike bar.
     I would exchange money for one at an appropriate consumer outlet.  You know, like a grocery store, 7-11, snack bar, ice cream truck, wherever.  I would definitely do that for a Klondike bar.  That is actually my preferred method for obtaining an ice cream bar covered in chocolate.  It's really simple.  Go into your local convenience store.  Find a cabinet that feels really cold inside.  It will contain a Klondike bar.  Bring the Klondike bar with you as you make your way towards the door.  Invariably, you will come across a store employee standing between you and the door.  Get some United States currency out of your wallet and give it to that person.  If you live in Europe you should use euros.  If you live in South Africa you should probably use rand.  Use whatever kind of money people around you are using.  Then they will allow you to leave with the Klondike bar.  Easy, isn't it?
     I would ask someone else if I could have their Klondike bar.  I don't know if you were aware, but sometimes Klondike bars come in like a six pack, so you can buy six at once.  So if someone you know buys one of these six packs you can ask them if you can have one.  This often works well.  For me, it works best with my dad.  He always seems to have Klondike bars in his freezer and he is always offering me one.  So many times I don't even have to ask.  But if I do ask he always says yes.  This method works almost as well as purchasing one, except it is contingent on you knowing someone who already owns some Klondike bars.  But it's much cheaper.
     I would trade my Jell-o pudding pack for one.  There, I said it.  Listen, Jell-o pudding packs are great.  Chocolate.  Vanilla.  Butterscotch.  They're all winners.  I enjoy them all.  But I would trade any one of those three for a Klondike bar in a heartbeat.  If it were one of those Heath Klondike bars I would even throw in my Sun Chips.  I mean, I would start with an offer of my banana or maybe a granola bar if I had one, but I would definitely go as far as my pudding pack.  Easily.  That's a good trade.  Because I wouldn't trade the spoon.  HAHAHAHA!  I'm just kidding.  The spoon comes with the pudding pack package.  Everyone knows that.  But the point is that Klondike bars are good; they are ice cream.  And you always have more Jell-o pudding packs that you can have once you get home.
     I would steal a Klondike bar off my sister's plate when she going to the bathroom.  Yeah, I'd probably do that.  Just to be a dick.  And it doesn't matter which sister, either my biological sister or my adopter sister.  I will sell either of them out for a Klondike bar while they are relieving themselves.  I mean, I would definitely feel guilty about it later and I would buy them a new Klondike bar the next day, but if the conditions were right I would totally swipe theirs.  Even if they had taken a bite.  I am not scared of a little girl spit on my Klondike bar, despite the cooties.  Yeah, I would totally swipe a Klondike bar from my sister.  
     That's about it though.  There aren't too many other things I would do for a Klondike bar.  You want me to pour a glass of water on my head?  No.  You want me to scrape a cheese grater up and down my arm?  No!  You want me to drop acid?  NO!  I am not going to do something retarded for a Klondike bar when I can just buy one.  And if they aren't available for purchase anymore then I guess that I will just have to go without them.  It's not like I really need anymore ice cream.  So to sum things up, what would I do for a Klondike bar?  Not much.  Not much at all.

1 comment:

KingBobb said...

That's a very defeatist attitude. I would throw a rock at your head for a Klondike bar. Or dump a bunch of salt in Egypt's water when he got up to go to the bathroom for a Klondike bar. Does it count against me if I might do those things anyway? I think not. Receiving a Klondike bar would probably be just enough impetus to push me off of the fence and right on into those bad decisions.