Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Death Defying Stanley Kobierowski

     We here at Big Dave and Company were astonished recently to read an article that went out across the Associated Press wires a few days ago about a man who was somehow cheating death.  Stanley Kobierowski, of North Providence, RI was arrested by the Rhode Island State Police early in the morning hours of Tuesday, July 22, 2008 and charged with driving while intoxicated and resisting arrest after crashing his vehicle into a highway message board on I-95 in the Providence area.  This in and of itself is not remarkable.  A quick scan of newspapers from around the country will find this kind of story in community after community.  What is amazing is what happened when Stan was taken in to police barracks to have his blood alcohol content tested.  The first blood test showed an astonishing .489 percent.  Now, when he's drunk Stan has never been one to be outdone by anyone, especially not himself, so when they took the second test he sucked it up and came through with an even more shocking .491.
     .491.  That is unbelievable.  Rhode Island, like most states, features a legal limit of .08.  So Stan was more than six times over the legal limit.  Even that doesn't sound terribly impressive until you realize just how amazingly drunk you are at.  With a blood alcohol content (BAC) of .150 the equivalent of 1/2 pint of whiskey is circulating through one's bloodstream and most people begin to experience blackouts.  Stan had over three times that in his.  .450 is considered a fatal dose for most people.  Not our boy Stan.  So let's see how Stan was acting with a BAC of .491, shall we?
     Well, he crashed his car.  And we've all known people who have done that with a much lower BAC, right?  When the police finally arrived he had trouble getting out of the car.  I have trouble getting out of the car sometimes when I am sober.  But we've all had a drunk friend who couldn't get themselves out of the car.  He then refused to let go of the car and the police had to carry him to the breakdown lane before getting him into the car and back to their barracks.  Who hasn't had to carry their friend home.  And that friend always lives on the top floor of their apartment building.  So, the idea here is this: we have all known people who were exhibiting the symptoms that Stan was.  No big deal.  But none of us have never known anyone with a .491 BAC.  I guarantee you that much.  
     There is good news in this whole saga.  Since Rhode Island is such a small state and everyone lives within five blocks of each other, they were able to get together and talk about this and they have decided that Stan had the highest BAC in Rhode Island history for a person who didn't die.  Even that old guy living down at the end of Elm Street can't remember someone who's had a higher one and didn't end up pushing daisies.  Maybe it's because the police kept Stan sitting around drying out while the Guinness Book of World Records people were brought in by helicopter.  Maybe it's because Stan is some sort of superhero or something.  Or maybe it's because Stan had an operation once and they surgeon accidentally dropped one of those super shammy cloths in where Stan's liver is and that was absorbing all the booze, I am not sure.  But he didn't die.  He has lived to drink another day.  And I bet he will be again soon.  He has to start training.  .5 is definitely in sight.

P.S.  There are a lot of BAC calculators out there.  Here is a pretty good one if you are curious.  I have plugged the exact same information into several different calculators and have come up with different values from each one, and ones BAC depends a lot on body type, tolerance, etc. so please keep in mind that any answers you get will be approximate.  Thanks.

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