Saturday, June 07, 2008

Questions That I Want Answered

-  How is Japan still producing paper?  I read an atricle about Japanese paper companies dumping their paper on the US market and it made me wonder.  Seriously, I think that there are only about fifteen trees left in all of Japan.  Last time I checked the whole country consisted of Tokyo and it's suburbs, Mt. Fuji, and a bullet train.

-  Does anyone watch Larry King Live anymore?  I don't think that his opinion or show matters to anyone except Bernard Shaw and the writers at Saturday Night Live.  

-  Why does Canada get to claim hockey for its own?  I am pretty sure that Russia and most of Scandanavia and sometimes the Czech Republic are pretty good at it too.  And the same goes for the US with baseball.  I know that we invented the game but some of those Latin American countries, and Pacific Rim countries are getting pretty good at it.  I mean, those kids from Chinese Taipei that play in the Little League World Series could probably beat the Kansas City Royals.  And basketball too.  It's not ours anymore.  In Greece and Argentina they pass the ball and play defense and have gorgeous, flowing locks that swoop around their heads while they do it.  Here, all we do for basketball is dunk and sign endorsement contracts.  So let's quit it with the adopting sports.

-  Is Britney Spears going to go away soon?  I certainly hope so.  She really shouldn't be on anything other than E!'s True Hollywood Story or VH1's Behind the Music or any show beginning with Where Are They Now?  Unless she has another hit record.  Then we will just put her on Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

-  Why are stupid people still allowed to talk?  Ok, wait.  Scratch that one.  Otherwise, I'd never hear the sound of my own voice again.

-  Has anyone ever finished a tube of Chap Stick?  I mean, without losing it or running it through the wash.  Could it be that the people at Chap Stick made their product exactly the right size to get lost or washed or left in a drawer at work or in your car to get melted by the sun?  Do you think that that's poosible?  Because I have never finished a whole stick of that.  Ever.

-  Why do the English still spell everything with a damn "u"?  I know that it's the original way and it's proper and technically it's "their" language, but let's be realistic.  You rarely have to pronounce them so let's give them the ax.  Nobody keeps their wisdom teeth anymore since we don't need them to survive.  Same with the "u"'s.  I can ask about the color of your favorite flavor just fine without them, thank you very much.

These are just a few of the questions I want answered.  Could someone please get on this?  Maybe top scientists and scholars?  Perhaps a university professor at an Ivy League school?  I am eagerly waiting.  Because I want all these questions answered.

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