Thursday, May 22, 2008

Stirring the Pot

     Hello company.  I must apologize for my absence for the last couple of days.  But my life has been in upheaval.  Not only did I have a super-fun-time day with Guy, but I have completely rearranged my entire living room.  Foxy Roxy generously donated her old couch and love seat to the cause, and I had move everything around to make them fit.  Or at least I assume.  They arrive tomorrow.  But it's amazing how much rearranging my living room has opened my eyes.
     Dad had it all wrong.  When he was single he used to move from apartment to apartment every year or so.  Out would come the old boxes, he'd round up a trailer or two and pack off to a new location somewhere across town.  I can't explain it, but I certainly understand it.  Because sometimes the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.  I am the laziest person I know, so I tend not to like to move.  But I have lived in the same apartment for the last three years, and my first apartment I lived in for two, and I get a little stir crazy.  After, oh say, 32 minutes or so I start to feel the itch.  I haven't even unpacked yet (let's be honest, you never really do) and I am ready to whip out m toothbrush holder, defrost the fridge, and move on to another apartment.  It makes no sense.  No matter how much I like the place I am in.  But what I have discovered is that if you periodically move all your furniture around, it's just like you moved but without all the heavy lifting and paying another security deposit and ordering the sweet cable package.  But everything looks new and fresh and exciting, and you can run into all sorts of tables and bookcases and golf clubs as you wander to the bathroom late at night, just like you just moved in.  It's marvelous.  Dingo will back me up on this; her and Teener move their shit around all the time.  If moving is diving off the high dive, the rearranging your place is like diving off the starting platforms.  You still get the sensation but without all the big effort.  Plus, it actually gets me to clean my apartment.  Vacuum and dust and wash and the whole nine yards.  
     The is a small caveat though.  If you have a shit ton of furniture I would not recommend this exercise. It is fun but it is way more intensive the more things you have.  Same goes for knickknacks and collectibles.  It's awful.  The sparser your furnishings the easier it will be.  If you have a lot of stuff, it will really hammer the point home to you.  And you will end up being fed up and throwing a lot of your things in the trash.  At least I hope you will.  You really should.  You are such a pack rat.  But if you are like my buddy Hardcore, and all you have is a desk chair, phone charger, and folding table, you can rearrange your stuff every night before you go to bed and then every morning it's like a neat little surprise when you come out of your bedroom to get your bowl of Special K with Hershey's Syrup or whatever you eat.  When you go to put some money in your piggy bank that's actually a middle aged, balding black man with greying hair that is sitting in an armchair reading a newspaper that you've names Alphonse it will be like a fun new game of hide and seek every single day.  But if you have a lot of things it sort of feels like that scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the knight is running and running towards the castle but never can get there, then suddenly he arrives.  You feel like you have a lot of shit and you will never get it done and then suddenly it's done.  And by then you are sick of it and ready to rearrange again.
     There is one more thing that I realized.  And this is more for you budding architects or builders out there.  Listen, whatever you do, don't design funky-shaped rooms.  Like, ellipses or hexagons are fine, but if the only mathematical term that describes the shape of your room is "polygon," then you need to change the shape.  Pronto.  Because my living room is in the shape of an "L" and it sucks like a street corner whore.  There is no good way to arrange it so everything fits and makes sense.  Especially since it is a narrow "L."  So the way that works best makes sense and the way that makes sense doesn't work.  It's hard to explain but frustrating as hell.  I can hear all of you naysayers out there going on and on.  "But Big Dave, lots of places have strange shapes.  The apartments in Marina City in Chicago all have pie-shaped rooms.  That's way worse than anything your apartment will ever have to offer."  Well, I say shut the hell up.  You try putting stuff logically into a room that is shaped like a letter.  Plus, all the pie shaped rooms do is make for a lot of wasted space.  At least you can still have some sort of sensical arrangement.  So suck it.  Maybe I will sneak into your house and build some walls in the middle of the night.  Turn your priceless little rectangular living room into the shape of the Traditional Chinese character for typhoon or something.  Or maybe into the shape of a puppy.  Then you can try to figure out how to arrange your overstuffed leather couch and faux-bamboo coffee tables.  Or you can just go to hell.
     So anyhow, like I was saying.  If you want a fresh start within the confines of your present life, go change your house around.  Maybe put the bed on a different wall.  Move all the items in your kitchen cabinets to new homes.  Perhaps swap the locations of your couch, end table, and entertainment center.  At least take the time to move that lamp from one end of the room to the other.  Do something with your domicile and it will open up your horizons.  Just make sure that your living room isn't letter-shaped.

1 comment:

Roxy said...

I TOTALLY agree with you!!