Saturday, May 10, 2008

Sell Me Something Parties

     There was an article on the BBC website that made me wonder what people in the United Kingdom really think of us.  I am sure that many of them don't like America and those of us who live here, and it's stuff like this that makes me understand why.  Apparently women in cities across America are having taser parties.  Remember when women used to have Tupperware parties?  Those were innocent times.  The girls I know have been to Avon parties, Partylite parties, even a sex toy party or two.  And I thought that that was bad.  But how far gone are we as a society that we need to have taser parties?  They even had accessories for sale.  And they brought in an off-duty police officer to demonstrate how to use them.  How nuts is that?   So I started thinking...since we have apparently gone to pot anyway, what other kinds of parties can we have whose only aim is to sell me stuff?
     1.) Gun parties.  I think that this is the next logical step after taser parties.  You offer all sorts of stuff.  Hunting rifles, gun cases, Saturday night specials, all that stuff.  You offer all sort of fashionable holsters and gun cases, maybe a trigger lock that looks like a daisy, I don't know.  I am sure that there are lots of eager entrepreneurs who would be happy to develop products for these parties.  All you need to buy would be several hundred dollars, a clean background check, and five days worth of patience.  Word to the wise though, don't serve alcohol at these parties.  Not only do drunk people with guns not mix (I know, those of you in Appalachia or the Deep South or all of Texas are scoffing right now, but they don't really mix at all, I assure you) but you are just providing them with empty cans to use for target practice.  And you don't want that in your living room.  Trust me.
     2.)  Play Doh parties.  I don't know why we aren't having these yet.  This is a great idea.  You get together with your friends, and some nice person sells you different colors and shaping tools.  And of course they have the little Play Doh factory on display.  I think it would be fun as hell.  If we were kids we could just call it play time, but we are adults so we have to spin it.  If we have it as a Play Doh party then we get to play with it, make shapes and whatnot, maybe roll two different colors together into a ball and see what happens, all that fun stuff, and it is socially acceptable.  We should get on this quickly...
     3.)  Insurance parties.  I know, this sounds awfully lame.  And it probably is.  But you just serve some good booze at these things and I guarantee that they will get fun real quick.  You think that hearing about lifetime indemnity policies is lame but you have a couple of Captain and Cokes and the next morning you wake up with $1,000,000 dollars in life insurance coverage.  Three Seven and Sevens later and you now have accidental death and dismemberment insurance.  Last thing you remember is doing a keg stand, and the next thing you know you own volcano insurance.  I think it could be fun.  Plus, everyone could use better coverage on their travel trailer, right?
     4.)  Pot parties.  I can hear you right now..."You are an idiot.  This is called hanging out and toking up.  Haven't you ever watched That 70's Show?"  Well, I have.  But all it is going to take is one mama-bird type to organize this thing to turn it from four buds (please excuse the pun) sitting in a circle smoking into a full fledged pot party.  The host gets all sorts of different bongs and pipes, maybe a hookah, and all sorts of different kinds of pot.  And of course there would be demonstrations.  The REALLY smart business thing to do would be to hold one of those food tasting parties right afterward.  You would sell so much at the food party you'd set for months.  Just a thought.
     5.)  Speaking of food, I think that cake or pie parties would be awesome.  Everyone brings a different type of cake or pie and we all just dig in.  Mmmmm...delicious.  Not nutritious in any way shape or form.  So far as I can see the person hosting doesn't really need to do more than put out lots of milk and come Chinet plates.  You sell different types of cake mixes and pans.  Maybe some new ideas in frosting, I don't know.  But give your pitch and then just dig in.  I know that people, especially you girls, like to dress up for these parties.  Not this one.  Don't bother.  Sweatpants and hoodies.  That's all you need.  Because then you don't have to worry about undoing those pesky buttons.  You just have to let out a little string.  And all will be well.  This would also be a really popular party, so it should probably be by invitation and baking ability only.  Just a suggestion.
     Those are just a few of the crazy ideas I had for different kinds of parties.  The possibilities are endless.  Let me know if you have any ideas for crazy sell-me-something type parties and I will talk about them.  Just leave a comment.  I think this could be fun.  And someone could get rich off it someday.  And what is better than having fun and being rich?  Nothing.  Except maybe roller coasters.

1 comment:

KingBobb said...

Who hasn't woken up after an all night bender with volcano insurance?