Friday, May 30, 2008

Regional Unbias

     When I called PePe on her birthday she was in South Carolina.  Which doesn't sound remarkable until you learn that she doesn't live in South Carolina, had never been to South Carolina before, and has no ties to South Carolina whatsoever.  She was there looking at a town and a potential employer, but that was not the most exciting part of her trip.  The part that she was most excited about was that the particular town she was looking at had a Sonic.  And she has always wanted to eat at a Sonic.  And I totally understand.  Her seemingly unexplainable yearning for Sonic is the result of one of the greatest unrecognized scourges in America today:  regional chains advertising nationally.
     I know, it doesn't seem bad.  It really doesn't.  But it is.  Because it causes people like my dear, sweet PePe to jonze uncontrollably for things that they have never had.  Sonic is one of the worst offenders.  Sonic drive-ins tend to be in the south and west, yet they regularly advertise on national television.  ESPN, TNT, etc.  So day after day I am wooed by Sonic and their amazing drinks and delicious tidbits.  Yet I cannot go visit one.  Because the nearest Sonic to my house is almost 400 miles away.  So I guess that I could go, but that's an awful long way to go for a mango-blue coconut slushie.  I can just make something like that in Egypt's kitchen.  The bottom line is that Sonic shouldn't be doing this.  Why would they advertise to someone who lives in a non-Sonic area?  That's wasted money.  If The Weather Channel can give towns 60 miles apart specialized local forecasts, then Sonic should be able to advertise only in the areas that they serve.  
    Same goes for Ruby Tuesday.  There is no Ruby Tuesday where I live.  And there is no Ruby Tuesday where I grew up.  And there is no Ruby Tuesday in Boise, Idaho.  But I have seen Ruby Tuesday advertisements in each of those places.  And they taunt me with their high end burgers and quality fresh produce.  Because all I can get here is creamed corn from a can poured over pancakes.  Okay, that's a lie.  I can get all sorts of good food here.  But I can't get Ruby Tuesday.  So I don't want them cluttering up my TV.  Beef-a-roo could be advertising in that spot.  Or at least Kohl's.
     "So Big Dave, is it only restaurants that are involved with this nefarious plot?"  That's the question you just asked.  And my answer is no.  It's not just restaurants.  Home Depot is the same way.  The nearest one is much closer to me, a scant 90 miles away.  But I still have to watch their lame commericals about building a deck over the Memorial Day weekend or buying a $4000 stainless steel outdoor patio barbecue.  Home Depot is not great enough to make me drive 90 miles for that business.  And it's not just happening here.  There is no Home Depot anywhere near Marfa, Texas and I bet they are watching the same shit.  There is one exception though.
     I tend to grant chains like Best Buy and Circuit City a little bit of an exception.  For one reason.  I have driven the 170 or so miles each way to go to Best Buy before.  I will admit it.  But when your store has a well developed and nationally recognized online store, I think it's okay to advertise everywhere.  Because I can hop on and buy all sorts of sweet gadgets and they will ship them right to my door.  I can't go online to the Home Depot and order up 8 4 x 6's and 24 2 x 4's to build a sweet tree fort in the perfect tree at the frat house up the street and around the corner.  That just doesn't work.  Because I don't live in their local area.  SO WHY ARE THEY ON MY TV?
     So go away Home Depot.  If you are in Quebec you can yell for Reno Depot to go away if you want.  Go away Ruby Tuesday.  And go away Sonic.  Leave me alone and stop taunting me.  Because that's not fair to me or to anybody else.  Stop advertising on my TV.  Either that or put the time and effort into building a store within 20 minutes of my house.  Because otherwise you and your commercials are just sucking away moments of my life.  Moments I can't get back.  They don't even sell them at the Home Depot.

1 comment:

SandRiverGuy said...

I bet there wasnt an advertisement on tv for the cigarettes you drove to iowa for when you done even smoke!!!