Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Black Hole Sun

     You should always listen to what I say, even though I sometimes miss the mark by a little bit.  Back in April I wrote a post called "Shedding a Little Light on Things" in which I gushed about the sun and how it can totally change one's perspective.  It was April 3 to be exact, and I started out by saying that for the first time in 2008 my thermometer made it above 50 degrees.  And I don't think it's been back since.  
     That sun that I was so happy to see has since forsaken me.  What's with that?  I coddled it.  I stroked it's ego.  And all it's given me has been a couple of appearances and even then it wasn't that great.  It had the feeling of a used up 80's hair band who showed up drunk without instruments solely to rake in the appearance fee.  They don't care if they put on a good show and neither did the sun.  It's like it came by and melted all the snow just so Mother Nature wouldn't nag it and the moon wouldn't stand over in the corner with Jupiter and say "What's wrong with the sun lately?"  We want the sun SO BADLY and it just refuses to come out.  And on the rare occasion that it does it forgets to bring warmth with it.  So why bother?  Why bother?
     As you can see I am tired of winter.  Or spring, if that's what you want to call it.  I don't usually like to complain about the weather, but this is ridiculous.  Even the trees don't know what to do.  One tree out of the eleventy billion behind my apartment has decided to throw caution to the wind and put out some leaves.  The rest are just going to put out buds apparently.  Just to be safe.  Might as well just stop there because in three days a big wind is going to come and it's going to be winter again the way things are going.  I am leaving my showshoes out in case I need them to walk down to the Fourth of July fireworks.  I want to put my comforters away but I am afraid that if I do I will become the next ice man.  I put my comforters away tomorrow and two weeks from now a graduate research team from The University of Innsbrook in Austria ice climbs into my bedroom and digs me up.  Then I am put in a museum and they use me and the clothes I freeze to death in and my DNA to decipher just how humans lived in way back in mid-May 2008.  And it won't even be an accurate picture, because the NFL blanket that I will be found frozen under is old and has teams that no longer exist on it, like the Houston Oilers and the Los Angeles Rams.  
     So anyway, yeah, I am just sitting here waiting for summer to arrive.  I feel like someone sitting at the airport waiting for a loved one to fly in from Buffalo and seeing nothing but "Delayed" flashing on the Arrivals monitor next to their flight number.  So I think it's time to be proactive.  I am going outside tomorrow morning and spraying an aerosol can into the air.  I am going to stab the hose on my car's air conditioning unit so it releases some freon into the air.  And I have two cars so that's twice as much.  I am going to anything that I can to simultaneously a.) put more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and b.) enlarge the hole in the ozone layer.  I know that that sounds counterproductive but something needs to be done.  Because I am sick of this shit.
     I don't even care if the weather guys lie to me.  Just take that nasty little cold front symbol, the blue line with the little triangles, and replace it with warm front symbol.  I want to see more red lines with half circles on it on your little map.  Hell, you could even put the purple occluded front symbol on it and I wouldn't care.  Anything other than cold.  It doesn't matter if it's correct at this point, all I want is some hope.  And since the sun is supposed to give the hope, and it isn't around at all, we are going to have to manufacture some.  So that's why my sandals are out.  And my kayak.  Because maybe they will be able to coax the sun out.  Because every evening it goes away, and I don't know where it goes, but it doesn't always come back.And we need it to come back.  With some force.   This cold spring has been so uncool.  Well, not really.  It been way too cool for my tastes.

1 comment:

SandRiverGuy said...

im with you there if i wake up to sunshine and deside im gonna use nature as my toilet and i walk out on to my porch and get frost bite one more fucking time im gonna hang myself with a chain from the tallest tree there is. fuck you spring i hate you and your friend winter.